stillpoint yoga

yoga meditation and philosophy with Lynn Fraser
in the Himalayan Tradition of H.H. Sri Swami Rama


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Himalayan Tradition

Swami Rama

What Is Yoga?




Off The Mat

Daily Practice



Befriending Ourselves

“Gentleness is a sense of good heartedness towards ourselves.  Precision is being able to see very clearly, not being afraid to see what’s really there, just as a scientist is not afraid to look into the microscope.” Pema Chodron

Who better than myself to be my own best friend?

Love always works.  Start with yourself.  Go somewhere you can be alone, take off your glasses if you wear them, look yourself in the eyes, smile and say “I love you.” You’ll feel goofy but do it for a month.  Observe the thoughts that come into your mind when you do this.

Find friends that support you.  That are honest with you.  That you can have fun with.  Don’t overlook yourself.  All the friends in the world won’t make you feel loved if you don’t love yourself.

Examine your pride and embarrassment regarding your children.  Do they know they’re okay as they are or do they just get positive reinforcement for what they do?  Do you feel okay as a human being or only as a human doing?  It’s hard to give that validation to your kids if you haven’t yet given yourself permission to be okay as you are now.

Journal questions here

Friendship includes:


  • Not to betray for convenience or to look better with others etc
  • To be consistent

Spending time together

  • Being present to each other
  • Doing things together that you both value and enjoy


  • Honest feedback not just flattery
  • Not lying
  • Being open with your own truth, being known
  • Not manipulating situations to make yourself look good
  • Not manipulating to get your emotional needs met

Not judging

Understanding and accepting the person’s strengths and weaknesses

Being there in good and bad times.

Feeling known, safe, honored and respected.


 From Pema Chodron, the Wisdom of No Escape

“There is a common misunderstanding among all the human beings who have ever been born on the earth that the best way to live is to try to avoid pain and misery and just try to get comfortable.  A much more interesting, kind, adventurous and joyful approach to life is to begin to develop our curiosity.  If we’re committed to comfort at any cost, as soon as we come up against the least edge of pain, we’re going to run; we’ll never know what’s beyond that particular barrier or wall or fearful thing. 

Basically making friends with yourself is making friends with all those other people too, because when you come to have this kind of honesty, gentleness and good heartedness, combined with clarity about yourself, there’s no obstacle to feeling loving-kindness for others as well. 

The ground of maitri is ourselves.  We’re here to get to know and study ourselves.

We often think meditation will ‘improve us’, that we’ll become a better person.  “If I could only get a better house or loose some weight or …” “If it weren’t for my mind, my meditation would be excellent!” “I wanted to get in touch with you but I thought I should wait til I was more together.” Maitri, loving-kindness, toward ourselves doesn’t mean getting rid of anything.  Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and becoming something better.  It’s about befriending who we are already.  The ground of practice is you or me or whoever we are right now, just as we are.  That’s what we study, that’s what we come to know with tremendous curiosity and interest. 

The magic is being willing to open to that, being willing to be fully awake to that.  One of the main discoveries of meditation is seeing how we continually run away from the present moment, how we avoid being here just as we are. 

Gentleness is a sense of good heartedness towards ourselves.  Precision is being able to see very clearly, not being afraid to see what’s really there, just as a scientist is not afraid to look into the microscope.  Openness is being able to let go and to open.


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